In the last few weeks of my newbie blogging, we've learned that
1. I do not like green eggs & ham
and
2. I do not like green eggs & ham, Sam I am.
but most importantly,
3. Am I sam? Ham & eggs green like not do I?
Okay, but really... I love ice cream, I am nocturnal, but with even more emphasis
I LOVE DOUGHNUTS
Now, you need to know another important thing,
I am a horrible texter.
First of all, how does that happen when I'm pretty sure I am getting carpal tunnel just by holding my phone all the time. Well, what does water taste like? I don't know, but it just so happens I need it on a daily! Okay, in all seriousness, I really don't need my phone all of the time, but it's 2013... cahhhh-mon!
Alright, so if you can remember my embarrassing moment from a few posts back, then you know I don't have the greatest history with texting. In fact, it's scarring. Once upon a time, I used to be the person who wanted to have "the last text." So, if someone were to text me, "Oh that's so cool" I would reply, "Yeah, I know."
But now....If someone were to text that same thing...my response would resemble something like this
This is...actually, exactly what I would look like because yeah, obviously...I know that's so cool. So, you get no response.
Now, when you're texting someone and the whole conversation would actually work better if you were in person...responses are EVERYTHING. We all know how well sarcasm transfers through text (are they serious...or...is this a joke...or.....where am I)
Okay, think about when you're texting the person you're sorta/kinda/(would want to be) talking to. Here's a few things...You know you can't reply the second they send the text (even though you've read it the second they sent it)...so you should take your time replying so it doesn't look like you've been waiting for the text (even though you have been)...but even though you should take your time, you know that there is still a time frame!
So, they text you, "Hey! What's up?" And you read it all like:
Oh! Wait, we forgot your face once you saw their name on your screen:
Alright, well now it's been 50 seconds....so, what's up...?
Umm...nothing.....no....if I say nothing, they'll think I'm boring...well I can't say I'm trying to think of what to say....uhh...well I don't want to say I'm doing that thing...or that...
So by now, you're like...
Of course, you end up just saying "Nothing much. You?" Well, now you really have to think of the mechanics of this phrase because you sound so thrilled with just "Nothing much. You?" Like, bye--I don't want to talk to you either! So, you revamp it, "Nothing much! You?!"
See that? We just analyzed and solved one single text message right there. But, this is actually the easiest one. 'cause you know what's the worst one? "What do you wanna do?" This is me when I get that text:
(This is also the "theres-actually-something-to-eat-in-fridge face")
But, that's just one of my hashtag texting probzz. My biggest one is actually forgetting to text people back. Of course, I tell them the truthful thing "Ah, sorry I forgot to text back" or "Oops! I thought I hit send!" I know, I know, oldest excuse in the book--but it's true! Well, a few things might happen:
1. I'll read it as soon as I get it, but need a sec to respond (I'm a bizzy gal, ya know)--then forget
2. I read it, but I just acknowledged it (hoping, you got my telepathic nod of acknowledgement too)
3. I responded to you in my head
4. I'm thinking of something good to say
5. I missed my time frame trying to think of something good to say
6. I'm still figuring out what to do with my hands
7. I will eat green eggs & ham, Sam I am.
But, more times than ever...number 2. (Me, right now, for saying "number 2") One day, I had the brilliant solution of turning on my read receipts--so I would be forced to reply because they would know I saw their text. Within the first few minutes of turning it on:
I went from number 1 to number 2 (Me)
Then of course, when I am texting people back... It turns out bad.
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Or, you get this kind of text while babysitting:
It's time to learn a thing or two about responses.
1. Good Luck
2. When saying "I love you" to someone for the first time, understand that this is the only time that the best/worst response will ever work out in history:
Capisci?!
