Do you ever get so excited about an idea that you constantly obsess over it and redesign everything in your life just to get there?
I am guilty of this completely.
And I do this with everything: food, places, people, projects, outfits, hairstyles--you name it, I've unhealthily obsessed over it.
It goes with the saying "Don't expect anything from anyone or anything."
Even the people who love surprises are never ready for the bad ones.
You know the thing people say about meeting their idols? Gosh, even with celebrities I'm sure people get disappointed. How many times do we hear, "Love their music, just not the person."
Sometimes we are so completely blinded with our ideas and illusions that we forget to ask ourselves the most important question, "What good are you holding on to?" What about this person matches up to your idea of them?
And it has to be the truth. The foundation of its entire being. An idea is just floating in air until you've got something to ground it and make it solid. Forget about the one instance where it showed just an ounce of promise to living up to your illusion. Count instances where you were disappointed so much more than you were delighted. Especially count the instances when you know disappointments could have been avoided.
This is not to say to lose hope in anything because if your strength and faith in it is so much greater than your doubts, keep pursuing it. I pray you'll know the difference when that time comes.
Now, the illusion of people is the worst. If you really care, you spend a lot of time thinking of how they are/can be. You draw up these ideas of them and get disappointed when they don't deliver (how I feel about restaurants sometimes). Don't worry, it happens to the best of us. Even when you stop expecting things from them or lower it so much that you feel nothing or laugh when they don't follow through. Because even though you stopped somewhat "expecting" things from them, you could count on them being a certain way. But, expecting someone to disappoint you shouldn't be the way to feel about someone, that's more than a red flag--that is clear and sad indication that something is definitely not right.
One, it's not fair to anyone in the situation. It's not fair to you to keep setting yourself up for that shoulders-slumped-and-sighing disappointment. And it's not fair to them if you punish them in some way because they're not living up to your expectations of them. Two, they are their own person and don't live to fulfill anyone's idea of them, and the same thing goes for you.
But I'm with everyone who forgets the depth of that second part. You trust someone to be a certain way and the first letdown--fine, we can shrug it off and look past it. The second time, gets a little easier to put up with, but the "again?!" hurt feeling doesn't. The third time, "Alright, what's going on. I thought you were better than this." When you know someone is sincere and genuine, it's a lot harder to hold them guilty of faults because "no, no they're not like that...they're just going through a lot and I have to be understanding," or something along the lines of "It's not always about me" comes up.
The moment you start making excuses for someone is the moment you have to decide how much you want to invest in this person. I've recently learned it's also the mature thing. The harsh reality is that you can't always count on people. And instead of dwelling on it and making it a drama-filled episode of your life's soap opera, its even more time wasted from investing into this person you know should not be taking up any more of your time. Are they worth sticking up for? Or, do you see a problem, too?
It's a lot healthier to see things for what they are and move on and make things better than it is to stop and stare and let feelings and thoughts rile up and drain you away from important things.
But, of course: easier said than done. Accepting things is so much harder than letting yourself be childish. Because that's so easy: to cry and whine and complain until the entire world gets sick of it. People can only be a person's punching bag for so long until they realize they are only there for one reason: to be that person's punching bag, instead of their intent to make them better. At some point in your life, you have to suck it up and shut-up and take care of your own problems because how else did they get there? ...You...or nah...
So here's my final thought. There's nothing wrong with being full of dreams and ideas, that's normal. But it does come with a price, a lot like hardwork. It's completely normal and idealistic that we trust humanity so much. Just be wary. I mean it totally sucks when we get that slap in the face and are awakened with the way people really are, but as cliche as it sounds--the truth hurts. You'll later see that, that one ounce of truth did so much for the better.
Just think about this. When people show their true colors, think about your reaction and the way it made you feel.
It goes with the saying "Don't expect anything from anyone or anything."
Even the people who love surprises are never ready for the bad ones.
You know the thing people say about meeting their idols? Gosh, even with celebrities I'm sure people get disappointed. How many times do we hear, "Love their music, just not the person."
Sometimes we are so completely blinded with our ideas and illusions that we forget to ask ourselves the most important question, "What good are you holding on to?" What about this person matches up to your idea of them?
And it has to be the truth. The foundation of its entire being. An idea is just floating in air until you've got something to ground it and make it solid. Forget about the one instance where it showed just an ounce of promise to living up to your illusion. Count instances where you were disappointed so much more than you were delighted. Especially count the instances when you know disappointments could have been avoided.
This is not to say to lose hope in anything because if your strength and faith in it is so much greater than your doubts, keep pursuing it. I pray you'll know the difference when that time comes.
Now, the illusion of people is the worst. If you really care, you spend a lot of time thinking of how they are/can be. You draw up these ideas of them and get disappointed when they don't deliver (how I feel about restaurants sometimes). Don't worry, it happens to the best of us. Even when you stop expecting things from them or lower it so much that you feel nothing or laugh when they don't follow through. Because even though you stopped somewhat "expecting" things from them, you could count on them being a certain way. But, expecting someone to disappoint you shouldn't be the way to feel about someone, that's more than a red flag--that is clear and sad indication that something is definitely not right.
One, it's not fair to anyone in the situation. It's not fair to you to keep setting yourself up for that shoulders-slumped-and-sighing disappointment. And it's not fair to them if you punish them in some way because they're not living up to your expectations of them. Two, they are their own person and don't live to fulfill anyone's idea of them, and the same thing goes for you.
But I'm with everyone who forgets the depth of that second part. You trust someone to be a certain way and the first letdown--fine, we can shrug it off and look past it. The second time, gets a little easier to put up with, but the "again?!" hurt feeling doesn't. The third time, "Alright, what's going on. I thought you were better than this." When you know someone is sincere and genuine, it's a lot harder to hold them guilty of faults because "no, no they're not like that...they're just going through a lot and I have to be understanding," or something along the lines of "It's not always about me" comes up.
The moment you start making excuses for someone is the moment you have to decide how much you want to invest in this person. I've recently learned it's also the mature thing. The harsh reality is that you can't always count on people. And instead of dwelling on it and making it a drama-filled episode of your life's soap opera, its even more time wasted from investing into this person you know should not be taking up any more of your time. Are they worth sticking up for? Or, do you see a problem, too?
It's a lot healthier to see things for what they are and move on and make things better than it is to stop and stare and let feelings and thoughts rile up and drain you away from important things.
But, of course: easier said than done. Accepting things is so much harder than letting yourself be childish. Because that's so easy: to cry and whine and complain until the entire world gets sick of it. People can only be a person's punching bag for so long until they realize they are only there for one reason: to be that person's punching bag, instead of their intent to make them better. At some point in your life, you have to suck it up and shut-up and take care of your own problems because how else did they get there? ...You...or nah...
So here's my final thought. There's nothing wrong with being full of dreams and ideas, that's normal. But it does come with a price, a lot like hardwork. It's completely normal and idealistic that we trust humanity so much. Just be wary. I mean it totally sucks when we get that slap in the face and are awakened with the way people really are, but as cliche as it sounds--the truth hurts. You'll later see that, that one ounce of truth did so much for the better.
Just think about this. When people show their true colors, think about your reaction and the way it made you feel.
It might really hurt or be a pleasant surprise, either way you've been enlightened by the truth somehow.
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